Chapter 170) The Confused Heart

“Your memory feels like home to me.

So whenever my mind wanders, it always finds it’s way back to you.”

Ranata Suzuki

San Myshuno
Grand Skyview Hotel

Vivien was suffering a rollercoaster of inner turmoil, wondering where to turn next. It was a mess.

After walking in on Liam and Lana’s X-rated moments on the couch, following Vivien’s foiled rape by singer Brett Newman, she had locked herself in the guestroom, ignored Liam’s knocks and pleads to talk to him. Once she heard him leave his penthouse with Lana, presumably to take her home, Vivien grabbed her already packed again suitcase and left.

That night she stayed in a hotel in San Myshuno, wondering why her life was so messed up at barely 23 years of age. If this was how the rest of it would look, she finally understood why so many celebrities were into alcohol and drugs.

She had booked herself a flight back home the next morning, her plane touched down in Del Sol Valley International Airport long before Liam ever got off work.

Del Sol Valley
Cameron Mansion

Judging by the amount of texts and calls she had gotten from Liam ever since she snuck out of his penthouse, he felt guilty, but Vivien wasn’t in the mood to deal with him, so she shut off her phone on the cab ride from the airport to the Cameron Mansion, and didn’t turn it back on for days.

The days after her arrival home she faked happiness best she could around her family, who had it rough enough, now that Celeste had been taken from them. No need to worry them with her personal drama on top of it.

But then one day Scarlett came into Vivien’s room, one look at her daughter, still in her sleepwear in the late afternoon, and she pulled her into a hug.

Reluctant at first, Vivien finally relaxed into the embrace and returned it, when she realized tears were flowing. Dammit. But it also felt good to finally let it out with someone she felt so safe with.

“I love you, my angel.” said Scarlett, which made Vivien cry harder into her mother’s shoulder.

“I … love .. you too … mommy!” she sobbed, clinging onto her mom until she melted to the floor, Scarlett never let go, just crouched down with her, holding her daughter, making calming sounds, speaking soft words of encouragement to her, while Vivien sobbed her inner pain out.

When Vivien finally calmed a little more, Scarlett said softly

“Wanna tell me about it?” her tone was gentle, more an offer than a demand, which crumbled Vivien’s walls.

“I can’t. It’s too … weird. Too convoluted. You’d think terrible things of me.”

“Nonsense! I would never think ill of you. I am your mother, if you cannot come to me, then whom? Vivien, it is never healthy to bottle things that bother you as much as this clearly does. It will either make your heart burst or turn to ice. I want neither for you. You cannot hide away from the world forever. You must face whatever this is, and I am here to help you. So is daddy.”

“Oh mommy, this really would make you think bad of me. Very bad. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I don’t even know how all that started, I just know it won’t stop getting more and more messed up and it hurts. So very very bad.”

“Well, I am going to tell you that I already know it has something to do with Liam. He has been blowing up my phone and not just mine, because Caelan called me when Liam showed up at Vatore Castle to see if you were there, your dad got calls from Jamie and Jordan, Liam called everyone looking for you. So we told a few white lies, but he is clearly worried about you. Since you two have been conjoined at the hip for years, and now suddenly he doesn’t seem to know where you went, I think it’s safe to assume you two had a fight. A bad one, obviously. And whatever that was about, whoever is to blame, freezing him out is not the Vatore way. Nor the Cameron one.”

“Liam needs to quit his goodie-two-shoes bullshit! Worried, my ass! He knows what he did! I nearly got raped by fucking Brett Newman, because I am a dumbass and went to his room, no worries mom, nothing happened, I got him good, you and dad didn’t raise a victim. But it was still traumatic, and what does Liam do?! Makes me walk in on him fucking some chick in the living room when I needed him the most. That was just the icing on the cake and the VERY last thing I needed to see! What an ASSHOLE! Oops, sorry for all the cursing, mom.” the words just poured out of Vivien’s mouth, before she could stop it. Eesh.

“Oh baby. That was reckless of him, he should do such things in his room when he has a guest, but he is a good looking young man, and your father was the same way. They usually don’t have to do much for women to forget themselves around them, and most single men won’t say no to obvious offers like that. I was left to watch your dad plow his way through armies of women, then he even married another woman and I helped them have a child together, before he and I finally came to our senses and realized we belong. He and I both made mistakes. The path to where we are now was rocky for a long time, but worth it.”

“Urgh! I don’t want to hear that about my dad! Eeew. And it doesn’t change the fact that all my friends are now gone, Nikki had her baby and it’s just too weird, Caterina got married and I didn’t even get as much as a text, let alone an invite, I was SO popular in high school, on the cheer team and all, now I have no clue where any of those girls even are … and now Liam. I am all alone! Everyone hates me and I don’t even know why!”

“We have been very open with you kids about your father’s past, because we knew ignoring facts doesn’t make them go away. Better you hear it from us, than some reporter or news blog. I am sure Liam didn’t mean for you to see that. Sometimes sex is just that, sex. something to relieve tension and men, especially young ones, don’t always use their brains properly when the mood strikes. You said he works a lot. Maybe that was to balance the stress with some physical pleasure. And nobody hates you, Vivien, people have their own lives now and sometimes, they move on without you, sometimes friends come and go, but you are NEVER alone. You will always have your family. We love you baby, we believe in you and brighter skies are ahead.”

“Oh mommy ….”

“I love you, sweet angel.”

“Love you too, mommy.”

“You should call Liam. Or at least text or even better yet, Skype him. That poor boy is worried out of his skull.”

Once her mother left the room, Vivien pulled out her cell phone and turned it on. It took her a while, but then she dialed Liam’s number. It rang a bunch of times, then went to voicemail. Following calls went straight to voicemail, texts went unanswered and he showed offline on Skype. He never returned any of her messages or calls. Part of her hoped it was because he was on a plane out to Del Sol Valley, but when days passed without him magically showing up at her doorstep she realized he wasn’t Prince Charming about to ride up on a white horse. He was upset with her. Not a good sign, but Vivien decided he probably would call her back once he was ready.

Over the next few days announcement notices rained down upon the Camerons.

First – and most surprising – the wedding announcement for Sulani resident and Del-Sol-Valley-Cameron-family attorney Kai’s son Benedict. Evidently he and his fiancée suddenly couldn’t wait to tie that knot and did it with just closest family, which was unusual for the Cameron family. Normally, everyone got invited. Not all may be able to show, but they were invited regardless. Benny’s father Kai assured Blaine that it was just a natural progression, no buns were in the oven yet.

Just a few days later they received an engagement announcement for Benny’s twin sister Ballentine, called “Bella” to her now fiancé David. No wedding planned just yet. ‘Ha, give it a week’ Vivien thought sarcastically.

And a few days after that came the “save the date” for Ethan Cameron and Sandra DiLaurentis. Their planned wedding date was almost a year out, but still. Ethan would be 23 then, as old as Vivien was now and she was nowhere ready to tie any knots.

“Seriously now?! Are they all kidding me?! They are younger than me, what’s the sudden rush?! Jeezus, someone should tell them it’s not the middle ages anymore!” Vivien groaned, while remembering she didn’t even have a boyfriend. How in the world did someone her age get married?!

It was hard for her and her teenage brother Blake to find partners, because of the celebrity status of their father, and now also Vivien’s increasing fame, it would one day be the same for their youngest brother, 8 year old Chase, maybe even worse, considering he was a vampire and would have to juggle the training by his grandfather and Riordan at Vatore Castle on top of everything else.
16 year old Blake had been taking acting lessons since he was a child and already had smaller roles in some flicks and now also a supporting role in a popular teen TV series, so he was gaining fame in his own right. He liked music, but loved acting.
All that fame and celebrity status made it very hard to tell friend from foe, honest friend or potential love interest from gold-digging sensationalists. Blake had tried to date, but had yet to have a serious girlfriend, and Vivien’s bad luck in love was legendary.

This is probably how and why Vivien’s next idea was hatched. Feeling particularly lonely and unwanted one night, she did something she would have never thought possible …

Del Sol Valley
Crowne Plaza Hotel & Spa

“Hey, what a surprise to get your call!” Malik smiled wide when he met her in the hotel lobby.

Vivien was surprised to see he was all dressed up in a nice shirt, slacks and dress shoes.

“Hi. Thanks for meeting me on such short notice. I think it would be best if we aren’t seen together in public, I got us a room so we can have some privacy.” she told him.

The elevator ride was quiet, she tried to avoid Malik’s intense stares, filled with unasked and unanswered question, obviously wondering what’s going on.

Once inside the room, Vivien shut the door, locked it, turned to Malik and just then kissed his.

Shocked his posture stiffened, then he responded to it. The making out got more and more intense.

When they finally came up for air, Vivien slipped off her dress.

“Viv, what are you doing?” Malik exclaimed, wetting his lips nervously, not wanting to believe his own eyes.

“You wanna fuck me or not?” Vivien ask bluntly.

“I … are you sure? I … this … it’s …. odd …” Malik was taken aback, torn between Vivien’s highly unusual behavior and his growing excitement.

“What’s the hold up here? Are we gonna screw or do I have to go find some random dude at the bar downstairs?” Vivien asked.

“Oh shit. No, I am game. If you want this, then let’s do it, girl!” Malik said while already taking his shirt off and unbuttoning his pants.

They made out, things got heated quickly, she pushed him backwards on the bed and climbed atop him, barely ever separating their lips and tongues.

His touches and caress felt great to her, she succumbed to the pleasure as Malik flipped them over and the real love making began. Matching his increasing speed she moaned and groaned, louder and louder.

“Oh yeah .. oh god YES … just like that …. feels so good. Yes, yes … oh yes, Liam, please don’t stop.”

But he did stop, instantly, when she noticed it and fluttered her eyes open, she looked into a confused face.

“Why did you stop?” she complained.

“Because my name isn’t Liam.” was his abrupt reply.

“What?”

“You called me Liam.”

“No, I didn’t!” she said, her denial seemed to upset him even more, so he pulled himself up, rolled off and away from her, now crawling off the bed.

“I know what I heard. What the hell is this shit now, Vivien? I thought this was something different. Something giving me hope. Is this a joke?!” Malik sounded sincere and hurt.

“It’s nothing, I just misspoke. Sorry. Won’t happen again.” she said, but he was getting up, and getting dressed.

“No, THIS won’t happen AT ALL! I was an idiot for coming here. For letting myself get reeled into this, I should have known better. You don’t want me anymore, you wanted my dick for the night, my touch, probably while imagining I was someone else. My dumb ass seriously thought I was getting a second chance for once in my life, with you, since losing you was my biggest regret ever. Wishful fucking thinking! I thought you asking to meet me at a hotel in a town we both live in was strange, but I wanted this so badly, I ignored that little voice of caution inside my head. When you got all romantic on me I thought this was your kinky way to give me a second chance! I forgot reality, forgot that you and your family hate me and that I am about to be a father. Ha. I am such a fucking moron. For both our sakes, let’s forget this night ever happened. Guess I got what I deserve now. You humiliated me. You did it. You fucked me over like you think I did to you, I fell for it and I feel miserable now. Hope it was worth it to you. Nice touch throwing in Liam’s name, considering that was what caused us to break up. Very clever rubbing it in right at the moment a man is most vulnerable.”

After that he went to the door slamming it shut hard behind himself, leaving Vivien to simmer in her shame.

“Great job, Vivien. Let’s add almost-sex with the ex while accidentally screaming out another man’s name to the list of my personal bests. Man, I should just drown myself in the toilet bowl. Holy crap. If mom knew about all this, I am sure she wouldn’t go with her ‘always in your corner’ speech anymore.” she mumbled while getting dressed.