“Adaptability is about the powerful difference between adapting to cope and adapting to win.”– Max McKeown
Blaine chuckled at his grandson Connor.
“Quit yer bitchin’, kiddo! Moving can be fun. You meet new people, change of scenery. Seeing how you still blow a big one at porting, you need that until you can get yourself places. Your dad was a lot more adamant about learning to port at your age, then again, the object of his desire lived pretty far from us, not conveniently under the same roof, you lucky ducky.”
“Keira is my friend, not an object of any sort, grampa.”
“Yeah, so I hear. Colton told me all about him walking in on you making out with your ‘friend’. I can’t recall ever doing that with Kai, Jordan or Jamie, but will make it a point next time I see them. It’ll be fantastic! Bet Kai is a great kisser with those pouty lips of his.”
“WE WEREN’T MAKING OUT!!! I was … helping her .. with … something.”
“Yeah, helping her swirl her lunch around real good in her stomach with your tongue. He he he.” Blaine laughed.
“Eeew, that’s gross!”
“That is EXACTLY what Colton said too. Has a point, she is his daughter and he helped raise you as well since you both were born. I know firsthand how that feels, thanks to Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum, AKA Heath and Caitlin.” laughed Blaine, while Connor bloomed in shades of pink.
“Nothing happened! Nothing. Nothing ever happens to me. At least nothing good. Only crap always goes flying and I am the fan it hits!” Connor protested.
“Yah, heard about that too. Got kicked off the football team. Was it your natural charm? You got that from me then. I got kicked out of so much shit. Still do. Learned nothing, and I am in my 80s now. I think. Forgot to keep up with that ever since the bell of aging no longer tolls me.”
“I got kicked off because of what I am. Coach said I am solid, he likes me, I am one of the best players he’s had in years, but parents of other players complained, saying with adrenaline up on the field all it would take is someone getting injured, and I’d smell the blood and lose my shit. Like a rabid wild animal. Or some shark. Thanks much. I was good enough to help win them State, but now I am too scawwy. Assholes!” the fifteen-year-old ranted.
“Ah, kid, don’t take it hard. I didn’t play football either, neither did your dad. None of my boys actually. Those who are Vamps just didn’t give enough shits, and the only one athletic enough would have been our very mortal Blake, but that princess would have been too afraid to break a nail. So, you’re in good company.”
“I am athletic! I am good. And can’t play because .. bullshit. Only because I was born as Vampire. Like that was my choice or something! And then I come home, literally same day, and our parents tell Keira and me that we’re moving to frigging Brindleton Bay! Nobody wants to move there. Supposedly same school district as Newcrest, which the adults think is dreamy, when I am here like; not even THAT they can give me? A new school so I can have another try to blend in and play fucking football? No, same fuckin’ school, same fuckin’ disaster, just takes us 30 more minutes each way on the bus unless one of the parents graces us with their presence to drive us. Can’t wait to turn 16!”
“Okay, couple things my precious little darling. I am all about the F-Bombs, man, I am here for that, so I let you get it out of your system, but now let’s hook that filter back up, okay? Now, they are moving not because they wanna torture you, but because HOAs are a fuckin’ bitch.”
“First of all, you just dropped an F-Bomb and what is an HOA?”
“Sure did, but I am also not tender 15, like you, second-hand fruit of my loins, and an HOA is something you want to run far and fast from if you ever move out and any new place you look at lists that. It’s short for Home Owners Association, created by Karens and Kens to make everyone’s life as miserable as they are. Vampires are always a really big hit with those. I would know, we had one when I was growing up, later I just populated the entire Del Sol Valley Hills neighborhood with Camerons, outvoted the original president, had Scarlett elected as new HOA president and ran the other fuckers out of town to find a new place to live and yell at people about the correct pink plastic flamingo to daisies ratio. I had the police show up once when that previous HOA witch found a garden gnome in the Cameron Mansion’s front yard, fan must have left it as a gag, it was nekkid and mooning those driving by, she didn’t think that was as funny as I did, even less when she yelled at me for it, and I told her I thought that was her husband. Anyway, can’t do much about the HOA here, yours decided Newcrest is not the right place for Top Tier Celebrities, esp. not those like 2Dark 2C, which cause paparazzi and teenage girls to litter the streets and climb around your neighbors’ yards trying to look in your dad and Colton’s windows to watch them undress and shit.”
“That’s just gross!”
“You don’t think your daddy’s pretty without a shirt? I think that’s his best look, at least you can tell first glance he’s a boy, not a girl, with that long hair of his. Then again, look who’s talking. Hello there hypocrisy, my old friend. Ha!” laughed Blaine.
“He’s my dad. So … knowing that some of my classmates are literally into him is … no thank you.”
“Well, the second HOA bitching point is that there are too many Vampires in this household for a small suburbia like Newcrest so they gave your parents, Colton and Maddie 6 months to get the fuck out or they’d drag them into court. Last thing any of us Vampires need is more bad publicity, Caleb would lose his shit something fierce, so, it’s all Cameron hands on deck. My cousin Jordan told me about a really nice huge property in the Bay that nobody else can afford, I looked at it, loved it and bought it, so you can hate on me for the new location. Now we got Jamie’s Cameron Enterprises architectural team trying to copy as much of your childhood home as possible to make the move as painless as possible. Once you GTFO, this place will be demolished, we’re not having fans try to buy it as some shrine or shit. So, your parents and Keira’s are heartbroken too, they are doing this for you kids, so your proper reaction here would be to fall to your hands and knees before your parents and in between kissing each single toe proclaim your love and gratefulness to them, when you are done, you continue with Colton and Maddie’s toesies. Since we both know that won’t happen because of bratty, ungrateful teenage syndrome, at least deal with it like a man, kid. Or your best impersonation of one. Not an insult, just a statement and not your fault, I mean, look what nature had to work with in the gene department for ya. If you put wigs on your dad and me whatcha get is two ugly ass skinny broads with babyfaces, but no tits or ass to save the day. I think I have flushed buffer shit than myself down a toilet, back when I still, ya know, used one for shittin’.”
“Grampa, seriously, I am buff enough. I was on a football team and a pretty decent player! Mom says I take after Uncle Grady in athleticism. But okay, I know you can’t help cracking jokes and are just trying to help, so fine, I get the moving, but Keira and I have history here. The park … I mean … we always go to the park.”
“Don’t tell me about that park. That’s where your daddy and mommy had some paparazzi take a pretty picture of your daddy’s shiny bare ass-crack when they were about your age, and your other uncle created the fruit of his lust there with Bianca. Well, at least the kid is hella cute. Also not the first Cameron to be conceived in a park, won’t be the last. Grateful it wasn’t a girl, or they would have named her after that dang place. Avalon. Hm, guess there are worse names. Like Ezio Auditore, but let’s not go there.”
“I didn’t realize that park even has a name. Keirs and I only ever call it ‘park’. Who knew? Glad you said it’s Avalon, cos I was like ‘who names their kid ‘park’? Right?”
“Goddamn, good thing you’re cute and rich, son! It will take you places. Lord knows your brain won’t, that’s running on fumes and can barely get you to the crapper. Now, listen, kid. Here’s your gameplan. A) get over it. Shit happens. Forget football. Or be good in school and play it in college, doubt there they’d give you shit for having fangs. B) No more sticking tongues, not to mention any other body parts into Colton and Maddie’s daughter for at least another year. We all know you will end up a couple, but let’s keep is PG-16 here, okay? C) you’ll fuckin’ love Brindleton Bay cos I said so, so quit pouting and get packing. My two cousins and best friends by blood are handling and helping, so you will not shit the bed and be a bitch making me look bad. It’s nice there, the air is much better, and the property is several times the size of this hole here, meaning YAY – not pout – unless you want me to come back and tell you again – trust me, you won’t like that much! Got it?”
“Fiiine. I guess Newcrest is too small, and this house is not 2Dark 2C worthy anyway.”
“That’s my boy. Wanna go next door and watch Maddie lose her shit over her daddy marrying another hot young chick?” Blaine laughed.
“NO, thank you! How do you know she’s hot? Maddie flipped when she heard, and Keira just wants new grandparents, cos hers need their own TV show. At least that grandfather, the grandma is nice.”
“Oh, she’s hot all right. I know that, cos I raised her momma. And her momma has the same momma as your uncle Blake, so I am invested. Your girlfriend’s new step-grandma is Celeste’s daughter Lyra. The same one Celeste has been in my ear about for years about not finding a nice man to marry. Hehehehehe, careful whatcha wish for. I laughed so hard, if I were mortal, I would have shit myself. And I am glad I was here when old Gary came over to tell his little girl Maddie that he brought her back a new step mommy from his Sulani vacation. And I am so not answering calls from Celeste for a few weeks. She can call her big brother to whine. HAHAHA.”
“Keira doesn’t think that’s funny. That’s her grandpa and it’s embarrassing!”
“Ha – another point for moving to Brindleton Bay. Guess who won’t be living next door to you guys anymore then. Yeah, grandpa Cradlerobber, that’s who.”
“I’ll go pack.”
6 thoughts on “Chapter 369) Different”
I couldn’t help laughing at Blaine – again. He’s too hilarious yet makes absolute sense…
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Blaine’s the best. LOL
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Oh man, “second-hand fruit of my loins” is the most Blaine thing to say 😂 Poor Connor!
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Blaine is the King of Blainisms. LOL
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Wow! Connor is a cutie, but dang, him and Keira as a couple? Guess, it happens but I would think they’d feel more like brother and sister since they did grow up together from the cradle. Heath and Caitlin were pre teens before they lived in the same house, if I recall. However hormones rage and it could happen! Friends to lovers is nice. Anyway, I feel bad they were booted out because of being vampires and even Connor got kicked off the team. Poor guy. I can see why he feels bad. Hopefully, the way Blaine so eloquently laid it out to him helped him get a better attitude or least rein in his poor me. It’s always fun to see Blaine’s colorful descriptions of life is. Plus a little tidbit about Maddie’s Daddy and Celeste’s daughter. Lol
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Yes, another marriage for old Gary. I honestly didn’t know what to say about that, so I just did it like this. lol
I didn’t have any plans on Keira and Connor being a couple either, for the reasons you stated, but as soon as they turned into teenagers they have been crushing so hard (there is a new EA thing that came with HSY, I think and they get that ALL the time now). Since they are not related, I’ll run with it. They’re teens, who knows if this lasts?
Blaine is a character for certain. 😀
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