Chapter 378) Patches & Gump

“Life always begins with one step outside of your comfort zone.”

― Shannon L. Alder

Brindleton Bay
The Elysium

Colton slapped his hand hard into Chase’s back causing him to jerk a little, while Colton told him

“Your son, my friend, is a little prick!”

“Ah yeah? What did my little prick do this time?” Chase wondered amused.

“He’s upstairs cleaning out his old school stuff, I went to see if he wanted help, that little douche shakes his head and hands me some leaflet from school about safe sex with the comment that I apparently need it more than he does.”

Chase laughed up; Colton chuckled along.

“Well, he’s got a point.”

“You do know that Hailey is trying to sneak you a baby, right?”

“Yup.”

“And?”

“And I try to stay a few steps ahead of her, replaced all the condoms she poked holes in, thinking I wouldn’t notice, with fresh ones which I hope SHE didn’t notice, or she’d probably just poke more holes in behind my back and round and round we go. I can’t force her to use birth control, and she can’t stop me from putting some on, so it’s my little swimmers versus a thin layer of rubber. I could just cut her off, but I would be hurting myself the most, I think, and I can’t go hungry for that long. I need me some frequent Patches Uncensored, so baby roulette it is. Pray for us, man.”

“Hehehehe, to be honest I am kinda Team Hailey on this one. I mean, we all can afford another kid, got more than enough room, already proved we’re really decent parents, we raised the first batch together successfully and they will be tasked with babysitting duty, just don’t know it yet. Connor and Keira turned out pretty good and while I do claim your son as my own in a way, just like you and Hailz claim my little girl, I don’t mind having a bio-son with my actual DNA in him. Especially since our first batch is about to fly the coop. And I heard Hailey swoon with Maddie over little girls’ stuff online, last I checked, Mads and I are still having only one which will come with boy equipment factory installed, so methinks your wifey wants herself a little girl now. And you know the ultimate relationship rule: happy wife, happy life.”

“Right. First of all, that coop-flying is only gonna be temporary. Trust me, even if they both go to college, they will be back as sure as there is an Amen in church. I am in no hurry to create myself more drama by knocking Patches up again, especially not on purpose. Sure, the whole experience of having a baby with the girl I love more than anything in this world simultaneously to my best friend and his wife having their first kid was something I would not want to miss. But this time you and Maddie are already quite a way ahead of us, she’s already showing even if I were to get Patches pregnant right this second it wouldn’t be the same, and if you remember, Patches’ pregnancy was pretty rocky and scary, especially at the end, I almost lost her AND Connor. I know she wasn’t a Vamp then, but is now, I am just not willing to risk it. I don’t know who told your wife that Vampires don’t have pregnancy complications, and I sure as heck won’t be the one to tell her otherwise, but you would know that’s BS. Man, Cole, this ain’t no joke.”

“Okay, right, there can be pregnancy loss for us Vamps too, BUT – and here is the big one for you to write down: I have never heard of a Vampire dying in childbirth so no risk of you losing Hailz. However, we both know that the longer you wait, the smaller your chances are. The cross for us Vamps is, if we want kids, we need to get started early, cos our shit WILL dry up, question is only when. Some get 100 years, some get more, and some even less time than a regular mortal would have to make babies. Honestly, Chase, I think four kids between the four of us would be a good thing, besides the two oldest ones are already self-sufficient and pretty responsible considering they’re teens. Ideally, one of each gender, but two is a good number for kids. Just not more than that, but I doubt that would happen anyway. Food for thought.”

“Wait. So you really think I should have another baby? I mean, all joking aside now, Cole.” Chase wondered.

“Not you personally, sounds too painful with our plumbing, but together with Hailz, yeah, I think you should. I’ll admit Mads and I didn’t plan this, but having a boy after we already have our girl, one of each, hell yeah! Just like my parents did, just they had me first, then a long while later my sister came along. I always got along great with Annaleigh. My sister and KC made four kids, heck knows if they are even done now. That’s a bit much, you’ve been over to her place with me enough to know, four is too much for one couple. What a circus, especially with that dog running around too. And if your sister Caitlin visits them with her twins I am deaf for two days after.”

“Tell my parents that. They topped out at 7, 9 if you count in the fosters. And then never managed to really get rid of any of us. We kids just keep coming back all the time. Worst of all was Vivien when she had all that drama all the time with Liam. Luckily that settled, and they somehow got Fallon to go live with her NOT-boyfriend – since she ripped me a new one after I called ‘Bear’ her boyfriend last week – now they got Gavin, his girl and their kid squatting with them. And when I talked to Celeste, she is plotting to move back in with them, after the divorce from her husband she is hating living on Sulani and thinks her son not dating is because he thinks he needs to take care of her. Plus, Blake hinted around on him and Mila moving back in with them, to give their son Reed and his family some more space. Dad thinks it’s funny and my mom is horrified.” laughed Chase.

“Yeah, but their mansion is gigantic, all your siblings, plus families and us could move in and it wouldn’t be crowded. Besides, aren’t’ Gavin and Bianca gonna move out with Jake? I could swear that’s what he told me loud and proud.”

“I think that was the plan at some point, at least theoretically, but Gavin blinked, and everything changed again. Yah know, I love my little brother, but nobody can imagine him and Bianca living on their own with a baby, that poor kid and his two ditsy parents, they’d probably set the house on fire while simultaneously drowning it somehow. Both of them are just not mature enough, so them moving out is just a nice dream for my parents right now, they’d just worry about Jake. Anyway, if you would excuse me now, I have to give my girl what she really wants wrapped in some passionate lovemaking.”

“Ooooh – I love me a good baby gamble! Tallyho, brother, lace some ears on a little girl for me. We can call her Colette, after her uncle Colton. Or Coltonetta …Coltonette … hmmmm.”

“Let’s not name that fictive child of mine that I am not entirely sure I should even be creating at all something that sounds like toilet paper or ice cream. Even if this today would be a hole in one, Patches and I would have 9+ months to come up with something much, much – MUCH – better than Coltonette.”

“Fine, if you don’t want help. But maybe you want some tips for more success, as I am apparently the master!”

“Master of the Cameron curse without being a Cameron? Congrats! Not like people since the dawn of civilization had already figured out how to make kids, accidentally and otherwise. Dude, I think the real trick that would impress me more would have been figuring out how to have fun in the bedroom WITHOUT creating a baby. So, you missed the mark big time.” Chase said grinning.

He left his best friend in the living area and went upstairs to find Hailey. Once he entered their bedroom, Hailey looked startled but before she could even try to make the magazine in her hand disappear, Chase grabbed it from her with Vampire speed.

“Uh uh uh uh – Let’s see what smut you are cheating on me with. Oh, baby clothing catalog models, ranging from newborn to a ripe 3-4 months. Tough competition. My skin will never be THAT soft!”

Giggling, Hailey grabbed the magazine from him, closed it and dropped in on a dresser.

“It’s for Maddie.”

“Well, that dress you were all starry-eyed over might be a little short on her. Just like those legs on that BS lie you’re trying to feed me here.”

“Hardee har har … well, a girl can dream. Not like this is a surprise to you.”

“It’s not. And before you get tangled up in a web of lies or Maddie and Colton’s little boy will have to wear dresses to keep up your rouse … let’s just put that baby in ya.” Chase pulled her along to the bed, pushed her down on it, kneeling before her to remove her heels.

“What? Are you for real? Don’t mess with me about that, Gump!”

“You know I wouldn’t. Just caving in to peer pressure. You even got Colton rooting for you now, we know Maddie always got your back, Keira doesn’t want to be the only teen with a baby sibling, so she is wanting this, and Connor just always wants what Keira wants and pretty sure the dog is always on your side, Charlie that damn old mutt, so I am outvoted, outnumbered and we’ll go to my old standby of ‘my girl wants, my girl gets’. Just promise me to try and control those pregnancy hormones better than Maddie has been, we can’t have both of you attacking fans and paparazzi. That last performance 2Dark 2C had in San Myshuno is still topping YouTube thanks to her, and not for our great show or music, also thanks to her.” Chase snickered.

“Well, can’t say I blame Maddie, that fangirl had her hands down Colton’s pants. I would have done the same had it been you and your pants that girl was trying to dig into! IF she still had hands afterwards. No guarantees. She can look at you and listen to you, but touching is strictly prohibited. All mine, and I do NOT share.” Hailey purred, after pulling him up on the bed and taking the kneeling position while suggestively slowly unbuttoning his shirt, caressing him in the process.

“Colton is well capable of removing hands from his pants. He and I have been doing that since college, remember?”

“Don’t even remind me! I hated it then, and still hate it now, those horny girls gawking at you and drooling over you, and those signs ‘marry me’ or ‘I want to have your baby’ – URGH! How’d they feel if Maddie and I were to do that to their men!? I feel myself turning green and bursting out of my clothes just thinking about those damn entitled fans! Which part of ‘he is married with child’ is so hard to comprehend?! Plus, most of them are more our son’s age range anyway! I am SO glad I had you turn me! If I were trying to fight aging with that going on, I’d have lost my mind by now!” Hailey had stopped her caressing to vent, so Chase pulled her in.

“Well, easy there, killer, those pesky fans do pay the bills and I happily report aside from your very welcome ones there have never been any stray hands down my pants to strike gold before I could remove them. Are we gonna make that baby now or just talk about other women?”

Hailey ripped his shirt wide open and pulled it off him, unbuttoned his pants then shoved him backwards on their bed, while ridding him of his clothing, before climbing atop him, while Chase smirked.

“Hey, I never said I had rape fantasies, woman! Not complaining, but never knew you could be so demanding. I feel so used …” he chuckled.

“Shut up and take it like a man. Hurts less if you just go with it.” she joked giggling, swatting at him playfully, he caught her hand and kissed it gently.

“Patches … are we really gonna do this? Are we ready again? I can’t lose you; you know that. If I did, I’d be one of those Vamps that go mad, lost souls, beyond redemption, and I’d end up on Caelan and Connell’s short list to be hunted and eliminated. If I just didn’t find a way to off myself first.” Chase got serious for a moment, and her face softened, as she gently caressed his cheek.

“Chase, quit the gloom, you dramaqueen! We are ready, and we will be all right. Look at all we have already been through together; a little pregnancy is nothing, especially now that I am a Vampire too. I really want this, and you won’t lose me. I promise you, Chasey. It’s safe. Plus, nothing against your amazing male presence and virility, but this probably gonna take some time to get to where we’re going, so we have time to prepare.”

“Well in that case – TALLYHO!” Chase started kissing all over her face while flipping them around, him now atop of her, where their giggling soon turned into different noises.

At the same time, just outside their door in the upstairs hallway, Connor was just about to knock on his parents’ bedroom door when Colton stepped in his way.

“Hey kid – uh uh uh uh! Whatever you need, you leave mommy and daddy to do their mommy and daddy things. Your fabulous uncle is here and will handle. Parents can’t come to the phone right now, leave a message, beep, for they are creating you a little sibling. So whatcha need, Connor?”

“Are you serious, Colton? You’re kidding, right? Messing with me, right?! PLEASE tell me this is payback for the safe sex brochure!”

“That would be a big fat juicy NOPEY NOPE. Never been more serious in my life. Run along, this door will be rocking hopefully soon if it isn’t already, so you don’t need to be knocking. The only knocking here is hopefully your mom being knocked up. Fingers crossed.”

“Oh jeeze. You think Keira and I don’t have enough problems without our parents all experiencing some late blooming Spring Fever and having more babies? Keira and I are 16! Colton – 16! I can drive now and you all go and make more kids? Nuts is what you are! And never mind trying to fit in with average mortals! Which regular mortal has age gaps like that!? URGH!” Connor groaned and shook his head.

“Ah, you’ll get over it, buddy. Especially once you figure out how much fun making babies actually is. Reminds me, when you said I need that leaflet more than you, does that mean you are … active? And if you are, the only one I could think of would be MY LITTLE GIRL. Connor, are you nailing my baby girl!?”

“Oh my God! I can’t with you right now. You all are NUTS! You are all crazy with a cherry on top.”

Connor rolled his eyes, turned and walked away, Colton following him.

“Nah, bruh, let’s talk about what you really meant when you said that … and go over that birds and bees thing in great depths for a moment! Lemme get Keira, it’ll be a shared lesson for both of you. Hey – Connor, where you running off to? Come back, you lil turd.” Colton grinned.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just a reminder - my game settings and storytelling are meant to be as close to realism as you can get, someone thinking about or planning on having a kid in my game/story doesn't automatically mean it's really gonna happen. It may, or may not, right away, soon or in years from now. Last time it took Chase and Hailey 6 whole Sim-years to seal that deal. And there are no guarantees on genders, just hopes.