Chapter 493) Petrichor

“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

– Mandy Hale

Brindleton Bay
White Ivy Estate

Petrichor.
Petrichor is the proper term for the way the air smells after it rained.

That fresh, freeing, cleansing scent that always makes you feel better, relieves, as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off of you.

I was sitting here, on my balcony, inhaling that very scent deeply, mixed with the salty ocean air, enjoying the end of the sudden, albeit brief downpour, taking in the sounds, the scents, the sensations, as the rain stopped and the sun returned, caressing my face while it painted the world golden.

Well, first of all, I am alive, obviously, or you wouldn’t be reading this. Let me sum up the weeks following my accident for you.

All things considered, I got pretty lucky with my fall, Kismet dumped me into some thick grass bundles which softened the blow, and while I was lucky enough not to break anything, I was pretty dinged up and had a pretty bad concussion, a strained neck, a dislocated shoulder, a sprained ankle, a very bruised coccyx the sum of which made me feel broken as I moved with the grace of an 80-year-old for weeks, 10 days of which I had to spend in the hospital. There were a lot of those ‘a little bit more in this direction and she would have dot dot dot’ near misses I had, which overall, like I said, I got so lucky, but I was hurting so bad. Then, and now, still, even though I barely had any visible signs left on me. Everything that was still healing could now be hidden under clothing.

Kismet needed a lot of TLC as she seemed to feel like it was her fault that mommy got hurt, obviously was I unable to ride for the foreseeable future, I could barely walk longer distances now without a severe limp, the mere thought of bouncing my aching coccyx around in a saddle brought tears to my eyes. My rough unvoluntary dismount and severe discomfort during the long recovery period had even triggered Max to come for a visit with a very special gift to sweeten my recovery time as he put it. He had taken a peek at Kismet’s records, then brought his very best horse, a prized racer but also highly demanded breeding stud, for Kismet to meet. CS’s Bold Pleasure. The CS was short for Cromwell Stables, of course.

I thought he was breathtakingly beautiful and judging by the way Kismet perked up, she agreed with me, literal hearts shooting out of her eyes as she fangirled the statuesque white stallion was a sight to behold.

Max told me that usually horses were acquainted with each other, then humans assisted the breeding act, but Kismet was so hot and bothered about the mere sight of CS’s Bold Pleasure, or ‘Boldy’ as my kids called him, the stallion seemed to enjoy that sort of attention which got him all roweled up, that they just went at it on their own. Several times.

So much, that Max’s stablehand eventually had to separate them, which both horses acquitted with loud protest. Max even cracked an unusually naughty joke about Kismet being a real Cameron already.

Speaking of loud, I literally screamed for joy when later a pregnancy was confirmed for Kismet with CS Bold Pleasure, and I screamed again when later I found out it was even twins. I seriously kissed Max, like smooched him till he plucked me off of himself and my brother Nick dragged me back to a chair to simmer down. I didn’t care if I was making a fool of myself then, I was SO excited. Best gift EVER. My baby Kismet would have her own babies. Beautiful babies.

Max had to fly back home not long after the pregnancy was confirmed, as his stallion was being loaded up in the transporter to head to the airport so both of them could fly back to HOB, he bent down to hug me and give me the obligatory kiss on the cheek. Right after the courtesy smooch Max whispered something in my ear about how I should think about how happy Kismet’s pregnancy news had made me and maybe apply it to myself. This made me think. About a lot of things, but also of Jack.

I had not seen or heard from him since before I was released from the hospital, where I had to stay for 10 days, obviously he wasn’t allowed to see me as I bid my time there in the I.C.U., but he was tenacious and kept harassing my parents and Nick, who coolly blew him off, until Adrianna had enough and told him what was going on, shaking her head at my parents and Nick. Like I said, a class act. After learning that I would be okay with no remaining damage, well, eventually, after a lengthy recovery period I would be, Jack left. It was understandable, he had to get back to his horses and ranch. But even now, weeks later I hadn’t heard a peep from him. Not even a letter. Guess that was a sign about where I stood with him now. Not like I could call him, or he me, let alone send a text or other means of modern communication NORMAL people used.

Mauro, by the way, had been M.I.A. too since Nick’s party, and when I called him to see if he wanted to accompany me to Connor and Keira’s and their parents’ housewarming parties, he made unmistakably clear that he had decided to move on.

Without me. I wasn’t too heartbroken. Don’t get me wrong, overall, he wasn’t a bad guy, handsome, well-dressed, very courteous, polite, a real gentleman, generous lover, generous overall with gifts and invites and his time, but I just didn’t love him and was almost 100% certain he didn’t love me either.

Finding out about my pregnancy the way he had, at Nick’s party, knowing it was most likely not his, which deeply insulted his Tartosian male ego, plus, I think he realized my perma-drama was too much for him. You cannot date a Cameron and not have drama in your life. It’s a family curse. Seriously. No matter how much you try to avoid it, it will come for you, sooner or later.

I was overripe for a change of scenery and for some time with my parents, so I boarded Kismet with my dressage instructor Ethan, handed my kitten Chester off to Rohan, who wasn’t an animal person AT ALL and looked quite overwhelmed with my talkative little furball, while I stayed a few days with my mom and dad at their Del Sol Valley mansion. My room was still unchanged, which gave me comfort.

I met Uncle Blake’s grandson Chandler’s baby Everett, I wasn’t big on babies, but when that blond little boy was put in my arms, his tiny fingers gently exploring my face as he smiled at me, I felt something strange. Remorse, as these moments had been so rare to almost non-existent with my own kids, then I was still a princess married to a future king, I had to stick to schedules, as did my kids, even as infants. On countless occasions had I been snuggling my babies when they were literally pulled from my arms, while I was dragged off to another event, fundraiser, political speech, ribbon-cutting, debutante ball, gala, dance and what not, everything that seemed so much more important than me forming a bond with my own flesh and blood.

And now it seemed too late. Try as I might, and I had shed many tears about this, my own children where strangers I somehow loved. And they me, without really knowing why, but there was no connection. Max seemed to have found a way to work through that, I never could. And somehow it felt like it was mutual.

Anyway, fast forward and my bruised and aching butt is now in a car. Needless to say, I was on my way to Chestnut Ridge. Where else?

Yup. There I went again. I just never learned. I just could not leave well enough alone. I had to go see Jack and hear it from him. I mean, technically it was obvious, like Mauro, he was probably over the drama that was the Cameron family. And I couldn’t even really blame him, even though I took great pride in being part of that legacy. So much so that after my divorce I gave up a royal last name to be part of the family even in name again.

Well, by the time I exited the highway my coccyx hurt so bad that I knew I could never make the way back, so I stopped downtown to see about a room for the night.

Which is where I ran into Jack and Ahanu.

Right there on Main Street.

Both stared at me, Ahanu nodded and waved at me, exchanged a few words with Jack, then left, while Jack headed towards me.

“I didn’t mean to run him off.” I said.

“You didn’t, he had to get back anyway, we hung out much longer than we should have and he’ll probably get the proverbial frying pan over his head from his wife. What a surprise to see you. Are you here for … me?”

“No, I was desperate for some line-dancing.” I joked, which confused Jack for a moment, before he smirked.

“Right. Of course. Well, if you can pry yourself away from our dancehall, which doesn’t open till later today anyway, maybe you would like to come up to the cabin?”

I gave him a painful look, which Jack mistook as me declining his invite, I had to curb his backpedaling to tell him I was still injured and hurting bad.

“Seriously, Jack, I can’t walk, drive or ride without wanting to scream for pain, all I can do is stand or lie down right now, and I already took my daily allowance of pain killers. So … raincheck?”

Jack thought on that for a moment, then picked me up and despite my protests literally carried me what had to be about a mile and mostly uphill. That man was nuts. Now, I wasn’t exactly heavy, but still!

When we arrived, Trapper, who had trotted behind us calmly most of the way, now got antsy and ran ahead as we got closer, while my chin nearly hit my knees.

This wasn’t the cabin I knew anymore. The only thing that remained the same was the pond he had tossed me into when we had just met. This was …. big. A real house now. Two even. Well, a house and a barn for the horses and their stuff. I didn’t have to ask. I knew this was all Jack’s handiwork.

“What happened here?” I muttered anyway. It was more me asking why, than how and who.

“Been busy. Making a homestead for us, me, you and the … umm … well … in case … I haven’t even asked about THAT yet and your family didn’t want to tell me.”

I knew what he was asking but I was too preoccupied, so he let it go and gave me the tour. It was still totally backwoods, not what you would call a modern or luxurious interior, and most definitely not my personal taste, but it was a real house, with rooms and a … nursery?!

I turned to stare at Jack.

He shrugged, but looked down without a word.

I stepped in front of him and made him look at me.

“Jack, all this is nice, really, but … I don’t know what you are thinking here. Your masterplan. You KNOW I am not moving here. I can’t. Literally, cannot.”

He nodded, swallowing.

“Yeah, I figured. But maybe you’d come visit. AG, I know I have no real right, but I have to know. The baby?” he had a very hard time speaking, so I didn’t deflect or make it harder.

Contrary to him I did believe he had every right. Thank Chandler and baby Everett for that, because they triggered something in me, something I didn’t even have a word for yet.

“It’s yours. I am sure of it. And still there, Jack. Honestly, I was 100% certain about what I wanted to do, but after the accident, when every part of me was hurting, bleeding, and damaged, but the baby was completely fine, I just couldn’t. I can’t. I don’t know what I am doing, I haven’t the faintest idea how this is supposed to work, I know you won’t live with me, and you can bet I am not moving here, but I am going to do this. If I don’t lose the baby naturally, there’s still a chance, I haven’t made the 3 months mark yet, so anything is possible, but if the baby stays with me, I am going to be there for it, forever, from the first day to my last. I am getting a chance for something here, I don’t really know what it is yet, but I am not going to squander it. It’s going to happen, somehow. And you can be as much or as little of a part of that as you want, Jack. I know we’re not ever going to be a happy couple, a happy family, living together in the suburbs, but we can figure something out. Somehow. Dare to be weird and different – unique.”

That was when I saw the toughest man I had ever met cry like a baby. He grabbed me, pressed me against his body, held me, then whispered in my ear.

“Thank you.”

I felt that there was a story there, something tragic, and I knew that one day, when he was ready, Jack would tell me that story. I felt that he and I had entered another level together. And I felt the man who would never be mine, the man who would make me a mother again, a real one this time, and hopefully a good one, I felt him with every fiber of my being, I felt freed, relieves, sober and in a trance at the same time.

I felt as if I were smelling the petrichor of my life.

Author's Note:
Just FYI - Jack's story may eventually come to light in some chapter in the more distant future, but not anytime soon.